Rainy Days
by Ree
Summary: Daisuke's landed himself in the hospital, and someone reflects on this. Songfic to "Rainy Days". You'd never guess who the speaker is...


  


Standard disclaimer and such:   
Well, I don't own digimon, or this song, or anything of any value. The song is called "Rainy Days" and it's sung by Mary J. Blige, featuring Ja Rule. It's not my usual type of song, but...I've had this fic in mind for a long time, so I finally wrote it. Enjoy. And try to guess the speaker. It's not who you think...   
  
  
  
  


**Rainy Days**

  
  


_It's just those rainy days  
Spend a lifetime trying to wash away  
Until the sun come out and shines again  
Smile for me, smile for me _

All of those rainy days  
Spend ya lifetime trying to wash away  
Until the sun shines and I see your face  
Smile at me, smile at me 

We were always living so crazy and sexy and cool  
And we began to love it (began to love it)  
Watching all of the heartache and pain of the world  
And thinkin nothing of it (thinking nothing of it)  
And baby I got love for you   
And I know that you got me, baby  
But every time the sun shines bright  
It gets so cloudy 

It's just those rainy days  
Spend a lifetime trying to wash away  
Until the sun come out and shines again  
Smile for me, smile for me 

All of those rainy days  
Spend ya lifetime trying to wash away  
Until the sun shines and I see your face  
Smile at me, smile at me   


I hate rainy days. 

Especially days like this one. Bad things happen when it's raining; I should know. 

We got the call today, and it was enough to bring us all together. What's that saying about when people come together in bad times? Oh, I don't know. But it's true. When something happens, it brings people together. And as much as I love the fact that right now, the eleven of us are sitting in Taichi's new apartment, I hate the fact that we're all here because of what happened. 

You were always one of our best. And you never seemed to get the credit you deserved. I guess it's because we saw the same things in you that were ever-present in Taichi, and we kind of figured that you were trying too much to be like him. He **was** your idol, after all. We didn't seem to realize what we were doing to you. We shunned you, made you the butt of our jokes, and never stopped to think what we were doing. We never stopped to think…to consider…to **realize** that you were just yourself. And you've always been such a great person. Loyal, caring, and courageous, fiercely determined…right to the very end. I'm ashamed that I shunned you at first. Everyone seemed to do that at first, then slowly began to trust you, little by little…and still no one really made a true, lasting friendship with you. 

I don't know exactly where things went wrong, Dais. I guess it can't be pinpointed to one incident, to one day. It's true that even the toughest people have a breaking point. One person can only handle so much pain, so much agony, before they're pushed to their limits. And that's what's gotten you to this point. We knew you were overly sensitive, overly intense…and yet, we played with your emotions. We played with your heart, each of us, one by one…until we broke it. 

It's not teenage angst that forced you to arrive at this point, at this place in your 15-year-old existence of life. It's not devastation over the end of a teenage romance, or even impulsiveness. It's cruelty. Cruelty from the people you cared about, the people you loved. 

We are the reason why, right now, you're lying in that hospital bed, hooked up to life-support. We're the reason why you had an emotional breakdown. We're the reason why, just a few hours ago, you took those pills and picked up that knife. We're the reason why you were ready to leave anything behind. 

Because you had no reasons, no chains, keeping you tied down to this life. And it's all our fault. When you do wake up from your coma, you're going to be sent to a psychiatric hospital. Because, see…the doctors found out about your other little secrets. They've seen your scars, your blisters. They know. And we do too. 

Oh, Daisuke…what I wouldn't give to see your smile…   


_Nobody loves the rain  
Can't stand it  
We know we've seen it before  
Baby, handle it  
Baby, what did we tell ya before about chasing those waterfalls  
Yeah... Nobody loves the rain  
Can't stand it  
We know we've seen it before  
Baby, handle it  
Baby, what did we tell ya before about chasing those waterfalls  
Yeah... _

Yeah baby  
Sometimes the Rule don't mind the rain  
It kinda feels like I'm drowning in the Lord's pain  
Until the sun comes out and shines again  
Smile, and give me reason to keep believing  
That everything ain't misleading  
And I, kiss the clouds on them rainy days  
And, smile for you when ya skies are gray  
Babe, cuz I'm a tear drop away from crying  
And a few shots away from dying  
Dear Lord, would you shower my pain  
Let it rain, let it rain on me  
While I cherish the air I breathe  
I'm an angel, that can't soar, can't fly  
And I, mastered it Lord knows why 

It's just those rainy days  
Spend a lifetime trying to wash away  
Until the sun come out and shines again  
Smile for me, smile for me 

All of those rainy days  
Spend ya lifetime trying to wash away  
Until the sun shines and I see your face  
Smile at me, smile at me   


It's raining again. 

It's been three months, Daisuke. Three months since you've been gone. You woke up three days into your coma, and we didn't even get to see you before they whisked you away to the hospital. We can't call. We can't write. We can't visit. Our only way that we even find out how you're doing is through Jun. And even she hasn't seen you in a month. She was the one who found you…almost dead on your bedroom floor. It practically killed her to see you like that. 

We haven't forgotten you, Daisuke. I can't speak for the others, but there isn't a day that passes by that I don't think about you. From what Jun tells us, you're doing better. Better…that's a joke! How can those doctors decide what 'better' is? They don't know you! …neither do we. Jun says that you held a lot inside you for most of your life. The pieces of the puzzle are beginning to piece themselves together…growing up with your parents hardly ever around, learning to take care of yourself, having few 'friends', never feeling as though you were good enough no matter how hard you tried… I wish I had seen it sooner; I wish I had done something. 

I wish I had tried to help you, Daisuke. How many times did I see you turn away from the group and cry? How many times did I notice you listening to the conversations and jokes about you, only to pretend to shrug it off? We treated you like shit, Daisuke. We walked all over you and yet, **you let us**. I hate you for that! Anyone else would have gotten right back in our faces and used our own words against us. But you…you kept it all inside, letting it eat away at you. You let us break you down. And what's worse…you believed all the shit we told you. You actually believed it…you actually listened until you began to hate yourself. And that hate grew and grew and grew…and didn't stop. 

We never knew how lucky we were to have you, Daisuke. We never knew how hard it would be once you weren't here anymore. I guess we never stopped to think about it. Life without Daisuke, heh. We never considered it. We took you for granted. And it's so damn hard, Dais. It's so hard without you. And I still think…what if Jun hadn't decided to check on you before leaving? What if she hadn't gotten you to the hospital on time? What if? What if? **What if?**

You always loved the rain. You said it reminded you of crying…kind of like washing things away…getting rid of the tainted aspects of the day, of the world, of the life, of the pain. I guess that's why it's been raining so much lately. Because you've got a lot to wash away… 

I wish you didn't have so much pain, Daisuke.   


_I feel like an angel  
With my broken wings  
So I can soar again  
Lord let me in  
Baby through all the passion the pain and the hurt  
I feel like I'm falling, yeah _

Making clothes for all of those that  
Spread love  
And for those who can't take it  
Stand up  
Baby, we gonna make it  
In the words of Marvin Gaye  
War is not the answer 

Nobody loves the rain  
Can't stand it  
We know we've seen it before  
Baby, handle it  
Baby, what did we tell ya before about chasing those waterfalls  
Yeah...  
Nobody loves the rain  
Can't stand it  
We know we've seen it before  
Baby, handle it  
Baby, what did we tell ya before about chasing those waterfalls  
Yeah...   


Will the rain never end? 

Six and a half months, Daisuke. Six and a half months. So many things have changed since then. I think the others are beginning to forget. Not you, or the things you've done…but the things that I can't forget. I think they're forgetting your voice, your laugh, that overdramatic flair of yours, and more importantly…your smile. You never really smiled much. Usually it was that fake grin, or that little smirk. To get a smile out of you…a real, true smile…is rare. Or at least it was. I wonder, Daisuke, if when you get out of there, will you be able to smile more? And…will it be real? 

Jun got a call about a week ago, in the middle of the night. She called me at two in the morning to tell me the news. You're coming home soon. When I found out, I couldn't help but feel giddy. Things have changed so much…you made things change. The eleven of us have gotten closer again, we've caught up with each other's lives, we've ended arguments from the past. Your suicide attempt…that and all the other things you did that landed you in the hospital…it kind of broke us, each in our own way. Taichi's been ashamed for putting so much pressure on you…Yamato feels bad for sticking to his first impression of you and not giving you credit for much of your good work. And I…I feel like the biggest hypocrite to exist. Never once was I honest about the way I felt. Never once did I tell you the truth. I just kept it inside, kept my feelings at bay. 

But you're coming home, and it's my chance to tell you everything. From the beginning to the end. We have more in common than you think. Many people don't take me seriously, or give me many second chances. You're coming home, and it feels like things are going to be okay. It feels like maybe the rain can stop someday. 

It feels like it's time for you to finally get the credit you've always deserved.   


_It's just those rainy days  
Spend a lifetime trying to wash away  
Until the sun come out and shines again  
Smile for me, smile for me _

All of those rainy days  
Spend ya lifetime trying to wash away  
Until the sun shines and I see your face  
Smile at me, smile at me   


I don't understand why it's raining today. 

Why today, of all days? Today is supposed to be a wonderful day. You're coming back today. It's been seven months. Seven months, to the very day. It's been seven months since that day when you tried to end your life, since that day when the world changed for all of us. Seven months and now you're coming back. 

I just wish it wasn't raining. It's just a slight drizzle, but it might be enough to ruin our reunion in the park. The eleven of us have been waiting here, under the shelter on the picnic benches, for almost half an hour. I hope you're going to come. But I have to admit…if I were you, I wouldn't show up either. 

I want you to come, Dais. Not just want you to, but I need you to. I need to see your smile, Dais. I think I started to forget it… Wait…is that you, walking up the path? Oh, Dais…you look so thin, so fragile, so frail. Is that what we did to you? You look so cold, so lonely. How could we do this to you? How can we stand our own presence when we did this to you, of all people? Oh Dais…if only we had ended our little game of hurting you. If only we had never started. 

Oh, Dais. If only…   


_Smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile  
Til the sun shines  
Just smile for me  
Just smile for me, just smile at me  
Know in your heart, that we are free  
Free to believe, whatever we feel  
So feel somethin real, baby  
Hey..._   


It's still raining. 

It's just drizzling, but a drizzle is still rain. Does this mean that everything isn't okay? Daisuke…I'm sorry. I can't take this anymore. I need to see you smile, I need to hear your voice. I'm sorry, Daisuke. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for ever hurting you. If I could take it back, then believe me, Daisuke. I would. 

I'm the first one to approach you as you just stand there, staring at all of us and yet none of us. I'm the first one to wrap my arms around you in a hug, never wanting to let go again. 

"I'm so sorry, Dais. And Dais…I understand." I refuse to let myself cry, so I simply hug you for a moment longer before pulling away. All I need for you to do is smile. Words aren't needed. All I need is your smile, Dais. Studying your face carefully for your reaction, I sigh. It seems as though you're too far gone. I begin to walk away when I feel your hand on my shoulder. You've grown in the past seven months, Dais. You're just as tall as I am, if not taller. 

When I turn around, you're standing there. You seem the same as you always did before…no, wait. There's something in your eyes now that I know was never there before. What is it? Confidence? Inner peace? No. It's neither of those. 

I know what it is when you smile, your eyes lighting up even more. It's the same thing that fills my eyes, my mind, and my heart once I see that smile. It's hope. Hope that things can get better, and proof that things won't stay like this forever. This is real. Forget the games, forget the lies from every time before. This is real. 

Your smile never falters as you finally speak. It feels so incredible to hear your voice after seven long, cold, uncaring months. "I missed you, Mimi." And then you're hugging me, clinging to me like a scared little boy clinging to everything he can handle. I hug back, tears streaming down my face. 

The drizzling rain finally stops, and the sun comes out from hiding behind the clouds. Seven months and I finally know what freedom is. I finally know everything will be okay: for you, for me, for everyone. 

I feel your tears soaking into my t-shirt, and I feel hot tears stinging my own cheeks. I know that for both of us, they're tears of understanding, of joy, of happiness…and of hope. 

And all I needed was your smile.   
  
  
  
  
  
  


Haha! You never knew it was Mimi, did you? Who'd you think it was? *grins*   
Well...I hope you enjoyed this. I hadn't written in a long time until now, and I doubt this is some kind of writing streak. *shrugs* Sorry. Well..compliments are nice. Flames are sweet. So either way, I'm fine with whatever you have to say.   
**©06.03.02 to Midnight. All Rights Reserved.**


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